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i just hate my ex sooooooooooo much

her: hey you know why you new girlfriend loves your d**k so much?

me: why?

her: because her mom always told her to enjoy the little things in life

me: f**k you!!!
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my ex is soo rude

me: bitch

her: HA, I have been called worse

me: like?

her: your girlfriend
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drunk + taco bell = bad

me: babe, I think I am pregnant

her: WTF, you are a guy

me: oh yeah… thanks, i must have too much Taco Bell last night

her: are you still drunk?

me: CHALUPAAA!!!
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a mean joke but a funny one

her: hey

me: did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

her: awww :)

me: cause your face is fucked up…
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I hope you know your ABC. My girl knows now :)

me: you know that your A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K

her: what does that mean?

me: amazing, beautiful, careful, dependable, excellent, fantastic, great, hot!!!

her: awww… but what about I, J, K mean?

me: I'm Just kidding!!! :D

her: ...i hate you
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oh snap… should have make better excuse

me: hey baby. sorry i didn't text you. I have been so busy

her: there is 10,080 minutes in a week and you couldn't use one to text me?

me: I do not had my phone

her: your facebook status was updated from mobile

me: fuck

her: you
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my gf play a joke on me

her: i am pregnant

me: What?

her: APRIL FOOLS!!! SCARED YOU!!!

me: we never had sex…

her:… I probably should have thought that one through…
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I sweet talk my girl.

me: I born the day i met you and died the day you left me

her: awwwww…
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not so nice girl

I walk in front of a girl and say: oh noo, i have heart attack, i need CPR

I get on the floor

she said: oh no, i cant, sorry…
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trying to be nice to my ex gf but no hope

me: well we can still be friend

her: promise?

me: PINKY

her: okay can i ask you for a favor

me: anything

her: go shove that pinky promise up your ass. you broke my heart asshole